As a black women who was raised very sheltered, I’ve been naive toward racism. I've always thought that having white friends, and coworkers who treated me kind was enough to cover the ignorance that the world depicted. I once believed that with time we would become a better people, but I’m learning that with time comes more hate. I tend to speak out “on the low” for fear of not being politically correct, and I never understood in depth what racism could actually be. You understand the history, you respect those who paved the way, but it isn’t until the lessons in our history books become our reality that spark the severity of the world we live in.
I feel rage and I feel confused at what we all have witnessed. I’ve been glued to all the coverage in complete shock that it takes so long to acknowledge and do whats right. To feel the pain and damage this has caused for our people is heartbreaking. I had hope that we were changed and at a level of acceptance of being different, however the repetitive nonchalant acts of our justice system has altered my hope. To think that in 2020 we are still intimidated by skin color, and are enforcing modern day slavery tactics, proves we have far to achieve.
I feel guilty for not being as proactive and prepared for moments such as these. I’ve questioned myself so many times throughout this week asking Am I doing enough? Am I being a part of the solution? Am I failing my children by sheltering them from reality because it sounds harsh? Do I really need to have this conversation with my son at 5 years of age? and How am I going to help my teenage nephew understand that YES this could be you even in a nice county.
In order for me to truly be a part of the solution, it starts with home. I thought I would have more time to have these tough conversations but the bullets, the lynching, and the lies are rapidly increasing. Sheltering my children from the truth to spare their feelings from the violence they see, is like teaching them to be mute. I want to share my feelings with them so they can ask the questions necessary to feel equipped. I want them to be able to use their voices with proper understanding of what it means to be Black. I want my son and nephew to feel safe. I want them to grow up achieving their own goals, walking proudly in their skin, yet educate them on how to survive being black. Very sad we as black people have to be in survival mode, while other races can be free. I want to teach my children the significance of why we take stands and not only why they cant resist.
My prayers are with all the families that have lost a loved one due to these senseless acts of hate. I will continue to educate myself and my children on what is right, instead of what’s expected because of race. Until, next time Soul Friends.